I made a commitment to myself a few years ago that I wouldn’t attempt to escape aging. Or the truth of my body. Or the reality of what had happened to me in the past. I would face it all, head on. And with an eye towards healing.
What this meant for me? No fillers. No botox. No hair dye that covers gray. No plastic surgery. Nothing that alters my appearance dramatically unless it’s naturally derived.
I find nothing wrong with the above AT ALL! In fact, I applaud women who go this route. Their body, their choice. Truly. In my heart of hearts I believe that.
But I’m here to say? It’s just not currently for me (that could change, let’s be frank, I’m a manifesting generator who thrives on change). It’s just simply not in integrity with how I want to invest time, money, and energy. Right. Now. Especially now that the world is belly up, exposed and vulnerable. I have SO many other things to invest in.
How hard is that commitment to myself and my aging self to hold?
Wicked. Almost impossible.
Which is why I want to share this. Not to demean people who got the route of chasing youth. But rather to serve as a reminder that there are in fact options. That there is a way to age that doesn’t involve oxygen facials every week. Regular touchups from every single medspa in your area. Hours in a chair with needles filling lines and lips.
I had to even bring this up, because honestly? The last thing we need to do is start a culture war on what is appropriate and what is not. That is not what I am interested in doing.
I just want to be a voice to alleviate the pressure for those who are looking for it. There’s so much pressure on line-less-ness. Pillowy lips. Three steps to flawless skin. Tiny waists. None of which I was naturally endowed. And loving the me that is on this earth, as is isn’t always easy. Perhaps you can relate?
As a culture, we spend more time applauding women for their perfection, their hair, their bodies, their clothes. I see it on my social media. I see it in articles I read. I see it in the way we demean women who are less ‘attractive’. I see it in how we treat disabled humans. I see it in how we discuss wrinkles on celebrities. I see it in the ‘how to look like so and so’ articles.
And I just can’t with it right now. I refuse to fall into the siren song of ‘perfection’. Agelessness.
I’m writing this simply to say ‘If this is you too? You are not alone. There are others who are embracing aging in a way that seeks wholeness. Seeking agelessness in energy and presence and joy and healing and inner work rather than simply appearance. There are others who believe wholeheartedly that age and beauty can coexist. That gray is beautiful. Lines are natural. But, we can still use really fucking awesome moisturizer and Vitamin A too.
*High fives from me to you from the realm of eye cream for my crow’s feet, kojic acid pads, and collagen smoothies.*
This may seem hypocritical that I still use a killer skincare regimen. For me? That’s maintenance without shifting my appearance. Without altering who I am. It’s citric acid for an apple that’s been cut, not reversal.
How did I come to this decision?
Surprise! It was Future Writing™. I literally wrote how I wanted Magnolia (my daughter) to think of aging, and how she saw me choosing to age. I wrote how we talked about age and wisdom and growth. I wrote what she told her friends about me, and none of it was focused on how beautiful I was. My body size. Or how perfect my makeup was.
So…I stopped focusing on it. Because it didn’t resonate anymore.
IT WAS A SHOCK at first because I had been contemplating Botox for years, dying my hair to cover grays for eons, and had been so so so focused on ‘not growing old’ that I had made it an obsession.I had come to the point that I worked out only to change my body instead of simply to relishing in the moving of it. I did skincare only for the anti-aging benefits. From a place of panic instead of a place of self-care.
So I flipped the switch.
Now I focus on joy. I focus on care. I focus on sensuality and connection and nourishment.
I’m simply done punishing my body for aging. Here’s permission for you to do the same. (Or to do whatever the fuck it is YOU want to do. Either way, may this be a yes or a no for you, and serve as data for how you do you, my friend).